Election I-spy

More election fun. Shamelessly cribbed from Miles Kington’s similar guide in the Independent for the 2001 election, updated and added to by Hugh and myself, here’s the Election I-Spy for 2005. Every time something on the below list is mentioned during the evening’s election coverage, score the accompanying points. Further ideas welcome – just add them in a comment:

“We’ve already achieved a lot” 10
“Their sums do not add up” 5
“But there is still a lot left to do” 10
“Their sums still do not add up” 5
“Kennedy says a big breakthrough is on the cards” 20
“Single-issue party” 20
“We’re not just a single-issue party” 20
“Hard-working families” 10
“Investment in public services” 10
“Climate change” 100
“We must not appear to be overconfident” 10
“Polls suggest the contest may be closer than?” 5
“The student vote?” 20
“The Iraq factor” 5
“False prospectus” 5
“Yes David, indeed the Conservatives did support the war, but let me tell you…” 5
“Lies” 1
“Liar” 1
“Lied” 1
“I lied” 50
“OK, so I lied, so what?” 100
“Last minute appeals from all sides” 10
“Bringing in the big guns” 10
“Well, at the end of the day it’s all about votes” 10
When accompanied by ridiculous hand gesture add 5
“Bob Worcester of Mori?” 5
“Professor King?” 10
“Well, David?” 5
“Well, Jonathan?” 5
“Well, Peter/ Jeremy/ Fiona/ Huw?” 2
“Swingometer” 2
“Just a bit of fun” 5
“Liam Fox, seen by some as the next Tory leader” 5
“Balls, who has been mentioned as a future chancellor” 5
“Charles Kennedy, no doubt tired after the birth of his son” 10
“Oliver Letwin, displaying the common man’s touch there” 50
“Charles Clarke, looking his usual cheery self” 50
“And it’s my pleasure to be joined in the studio now by Peter Mandelson” 100
“George Galloway, in typically humble mood” 250
“weblog” 50
…unless it’s said by Mark Lawson, in which case 0
“And we’re now joined by Andrew Neil” 10
“And we’re now joined by Andrew Neil and a young lady friend” 40
“Of course, the vote in Scotland/Wales is very important to the parties” 50
“The key marginal seat of…” 2
“Exit polls look very much as if?” 5
“We think we have a result?” 5
“I’m sorry, I’m going to have to stop you there…” 10
“Going over now to?” 10
“I, as the returning officer…” 5
“Not a totally unexpected result?” 10
“Interestingly, if this pattern is repeated?” 10
“Of course, there have been worries about the secruity of the postal vote…” 20
“More results coming in thick and fast?” 5
“And now, over to Bethnal Green and Bow…” 5
“And now, over to Orkney and Shetland…” 50
“A surprise, that one, Alistair Darling seemed so confident?” 50
“This is reminiscent of Portillo in 1997…” 100
“Let’s remind ourselves of that Portillo moment in 1997…” 250
“David, what I’m hearing is that Reg Keys has taken Sedgefield” 500
“A terrible night for Labour” 30
“A terrible night for the Conservatives” 50
“A terrible night for the Lib Dems” 1
“Another Labour landslide” 1
“An historic LibDem landslide” 100
“A shock Tory victory” -1000
“…and Veritas have their first seat” Throw something at the television and go to bed

10 thoughts on “Election I-spy

  1. Splendid. You think of everything.

    Except perhaps “A jubilant Stanley Johnson there, becoming the first father to follow his son into the Commons” – 50?

  2. Anybody got the drinking game version? (Though sadly I won’t be getting plastered and drowning my sorrows on the night because I have to teach on Friday morning.)

  3. “What I’d say to you” from anyone other than TB must be worth 5 points. Likewise anyone borrowing Jack Straw’s ever-so-polite-and-brief-interruption-or-contradiction “let me just say this” should be worth a point or 10.

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