Hating by numbers

The thing about the 4×4 and 7×7 memes is… it’s a little smug, a little showy-off, isn’t it? All the “I like this film” or “I’ve been to this place”, it looks a little like trying to affirm just how cool your tastes are and how what sophisticated habits you have

I mean, that’s not surprising (after all, blogging is fuelled by the compulsion to show off), but it doesn’t make for really interesting reading. So although I have been tagged (by Phil and Ben for 7×7, and Andrew 4×4) I’m not going to go through with the instructions, as exactly laid out. Instead, I’m going to be a little less smug and spin them to confess what I hate, what I didn’t like or didn’t get although everyone else did, my more irritating and less illustrious qualities, and what I remain ignorant of, and why many of my dreams will remain just that. After all, a common blogging trait is picking at other’s negative aspects, so perhaps a little introspection and confession is a good thing.

Of course, I could could be accused of still being smug, but in a self-deprecating way, but hey, if you look it at like that then I can’t win either way. So, without further ado, here goes…

Four jobs I once aspired to but decided not to do and am thankful
  1. Tube train driver – childhood obsession with trains which sadly did not last, which is probably a good thing as I hate shift work.
  2. Barrister – for no reason other than it sounded quite a important job. Then I found out the hours and responsiblities and decided to chicken out.
  3. Accountant – I think I just for the sake of living to stereotype of the Chinese kid who can do maths. Snapped out of it by the time I went to university in favour of something interesting.
  4. Teacher – Luckily, I realised that schoolchildren would have made mincemeat of me, or provoked me into a violent rage long before my first day was out.
Seven things that I say I’ll do before I die, but probably won’t:
  1. Run a marathon – lofty aim but I’m far too fucking lazy.
  2. Learn to fly – Another lofty aim, but I’m 24 and still haven’t learned to drive yet, let alone fly.
  3. Write a novel – Occasional ego-trip I take when someone complements me on my blog is imaginging life as a successful novelist but deep down I know full well it’ll be crapper than Dan Brown.
  4. Learn to be fluent in another language – preferably Cantonese (it being the language of half my ancestors), but I passed the option to do so as a child and I know I will never be able to find the time as an adult.
  5. Run a nice little gastropub somewhere in the country – I should also ask for a golden toilet and the moon on a stick while I’m at it.
  6. Play a musical instrument – Those who can, do. Those who can’t build an enormous record collection and pretend they can.
  7. The seventh thing – I actually did. But I’m not going to tell you what it was. :-)
Four movies that I can watch over and over, even though this is no testament to their quality and more to my lack of imagination or ability to turn over
  1. Thunderball
  2. Diamonds are Forever
  3. You Only Live Twice
  4. …and any other Bond film. It’s not even like I have a low tolerance threshold – there simply isn’t a threshold, I’ll just watch any of them goggle-eyed, regardless of quality.
Seven things I can do but am neither good nor bad at, just boringly competent
  1. Drawing
  2. Sewing
  3. Ironing
  4. Give directions
  5. Cycle
  6. Assemble furniture
  7. Wrap presents
Four places I?ve been to, looked at and gone “Fuck me, I’m never living there”
  1. Singapore
  2. Newbridge
  3. Most of Northern England
  4. Plaistow. Oh, hang on…
Seven things that attract me to… myself
  1. I’ve got lovely hair
  2. Am disturbingly slim despite unhealthy geek diet
  3. The sound of my own voice (not the real sound, just how it sounds in my head)
  4. The look of my words on paper (or webpage, for that matter)
  5. Quite nice hands, despite continual biting of nails
  6. Look better in glasses than without, and I like it that way
  7. When I do go outside, I don’t (normally) get sunburn, but slowly turn a nice golden colour
Four TV shows that I really fucking hate
  1. Absolutely Fabulous – This was never funny, you can all stop pretending now
  2. Later with Jools Holland – For some reason, I just don’t like man. I think it’s the mock-urgent dashing about the studio. Shame, really, as I quite like the music,
  3. Jam – Sorry, it was just a bit too fucked up for my liking. If it wasn’t Chris Morris no-one would have liked it.
  4. Little Britain – You already know what I have to say about this.
  5. Actually, I’ll have a fifth too – Tom will hate me for this but despite trying I have never got into The West Wing – I think it’s just general fed-upness with the monumental amount of coverage American politics gets here, and TWW doesn’t help things by tantalising us with a what-might-be.
Seven things I don’t say enough
  1. “Sorry”
  2. “I should speak a little slower, shouldn’t I?”
  3. “No, I’ve drunk enough tonight”
  4. “I don’t like to mention where I went to university”
  5. “Maybe you have a point”
  6. “Hang on, I’ll turn my phone off”
  7. “Arsenal deserved to lose, fair and square”
Four places I’ve been on holiday to, but don’t have any interesting stories to tell about
  1. Tartu, Estonia
  2. Hamburg
  3. Singapore
  4. Paris (hated it, would rather forget)
Seven books that I thought actually weren’t much cop despite the gushing reviews they generally got
  1. Neuromancer (heresy, I know – sorry Sally)
  2. The Communist Manifesto
  3. Gravity’s Rainbow (although this is mainly because I couldn’t finish it)
  4. Vernon God Little
  5. Pretty much anything Shakespeare did – it’s impossible to parse in real-time
  6. Dirty Havana Trilogy
  7. 2005: Blogged (only joking!)
Four foods that I always end up cooking because of a lack of imagination
  1. Stir-fried chicken
  2. Spaghetti bolognese
  3. Ramen in soup
  4. Curried whatever’s-in-the-fridge
Seven movies I haven’t watched, but kinda pretend that I have by referencing them continually
  1. Star Wars (all of them)
  2. Citizen Kane
  3. Casablanca
  4. It’s A Wonderful Life
  5. The Shawshank Redemption (actually I’ve seen the last five minutes, which was enough for me)
  6. The Godfather
  7. Metropolis
Four sites I visit too much
  1. qwghlm.co.uk – Why? I already know what’s going to be on it, for God’s sake
  2. Wikipedia – “Turning mild Asperger’s into gold since 2001” – I forget whose quote it was but it’s a good one. I’ve wasted too much time contributing trivia here.
  3. BBC News – Even though 99% the front page is no different from the last time I hit F5, I must find out the latest news so I can form a knee-jerk opinion on it, right now.
  4. Popbitch – Actually, I no longer visit PB. Which is just as well, as it’s been crap for ages now and I only just noticed.
Eleven people to tag with this – not that any of them will, but I would just love to find out what makes them tick
  1. Osama bin Laden
  2. The Queen
  3. David Cameron
  4. Rupert Murdoch
  5. Jos? Mourinho
  6. Angelina Jolie
  7. Lawrence Lessig
  8. Thom Yorke
  9. Condoleezza Rice
  10. Malcolm Gladwell
  11. Neal Stephenson

(As a footnote that took me ages to do. So bollocks to memes – I’m not doing another for a long time, no matter how many people tag me… )

4 thoughts on “Hating by numbers

  1. Your BBC addiction sounds to me like you need to get your hands on the BBC Ticker, but it unfortunately seems to have been removed from the site. A quick google search might find it though.

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