Well, Labour look like heading to Government (with some wafer-thin majorities - Labour keeping Sittingbourne & Sheppey with a majority of 79 - that’s half what the Veritas candidate got). Speaking of Veritas, Kilroy didn’t lose his deposit, which would have been the highly amusing event of the evening. Labour also hold Finchley & Golders Green, and Norwich South (Charles Clarke’s seat - he was the least secure major figure in the party).

Still no Galloway. The count in Folkestone is soon.

Wow, is it 4 o’clock already?

Yes, I’m still awake. Still waiting on Bethnal Green (having been told Gorgeous George was certain to take it, we’re still waiting…) but apart from that not much is happening. The Conservatives are taking the most marginal Labour seats but it’s not going to be the rout feared three or four hours ago. The Lib Dems have taken some seats off Labour but lost some crucial right-wing seats (like Guildford, Weston-super-Mare and Newbury) to the Tories, so it looks like they’ll only come off slightly better than before. BBC say 72 seats, bookies high 60s.

That painting in Gateshead - why? The poor people who have to do it must be dying of fatigue; the weather can’t be too warm either.

I’ve gone on to beer now, I’ve given up the stimulants. Not feeling too funny, though.

Another couple of bad ones for Labour - in a reversal of Portillo in ‘97, Twigg loses Enfield Southgate (nearly 9%!), and an enormous majority (12,000) in Manchester Withington. And Rochdale and Wimbledon on top of that as well. London votes really are going the Conservatives’ way - nearly 5% swing there compared to 3% nationwide.

Conservatives are loving this, they have held onto their risky seats - David Davies and Theresa May have both escaped ‘decapitations’. Oliver Letwin and Michael Howard are not declared yet but both look safe.

Yay, Richard Taylor holds Wyre Forest, albeit with a loss of votes. Hurrah. Time for another coffee. I am getting quite peckish here…

Best headline of the night so far: Blair Refuses to Boil Head.

About a third of the seats are in so far; Jeremy Corbyn retains his seat but with a 11% swing to the Lib Dems - and he was one of the most vociferous opponents to the war. Wow.

Blair wins Sedgefield, Reg Keys gets a respectable 4,200 votes… Blair looks quite drained and tired. Tories gain Wimbledon (they’re doing very well in London - I wonder why? Anti-Ken backlash?) but elsewhere they’re not making inroads.

Oooh, the Lib Dem John Hemming has gained Birmingham Yardley. He was a blogging councillor, now an MP, he’s also been a vociferous campaigner against postal voting, pointing out its many flaws. I’m quite pleased to see him go in.

I’ve just noticed there’s a seat called Hazel Grove - they should stand someone there called Hazel Grove. Like Arsenal and Arsene Wenger - it would create a pleasing symmetry.

Update: My own seat of Edinburgh East has been retained by Labour, albeit with a drop in the vote - 8.4% swing to Labour. Most pleasingly, Cara Gillespie, the Green candidate, retained her deposit (just), with 5.7% of the vote. And I was one of the 2,266 people who helped her keep it. You see - votes can make a difference! My home seat of West Ham has been kept by Labour, but the new MP Lyn Brown lost an enormous 19.1% of the vote to Respect, sadly; luckily for her she had inherited 70% of the vote from Tony Banks.

Barbara Roche, a victim of the Muswell Hill bruschetta-munching vote: 15% swing to the Lib Dems. But Labour are clinging on to seats that looked dodgy - Hove, a couple in Birmingham, and the Lib Dems’ targeting of Conservatives are failing. Perhaps it isn’t as bad as first thought for Labour.

Those BBC CGIs of the three leaders toddling up to No. 10 Downing Street are quite frightening - also that actor who has to play the policeman at the front door - he has to stand by all night in case Peter Snow wants him, poor sod.

Ann Cryer holds Keighley, but that arsehole Nick Griffin got a scary share of the vote.

Blaenau Gwent now… this ought to be fun… lovely accent on the returning officer… well well well, New Labour lose by 9,000. Very much a victory for Old Labour.

Update: Well they’ve lost Cardiff Central by a thumping swing and also Ilford North, so it ain’t comfortable yet. But…BBC have raised their prediction to 78, Sky predict 80, markets back to the mid-60s again. All very up and down…

Although Labour are looking like they will drop seats (Peterborough and the Western Isles gone to the Tories and SNP) no big guns have gone, and Jack Straw is safe after talk of Craig Murray’s challenge, all the Cabinet have been returned OK, so there’s no chance of massive losses. I think talk of a hung government or a tiny Labour majority is premature. But there’s still plenty of marginals to come - and talk of recounts in places like Islington. Battersea has gone to a second one.

Lib Dems are having a patchy night, retaining Cheadle and Torbay, losing Newbury. Labour hold Birmingham Edgbaston - that was touted as a potential banana skin, but held albeit with a 6% drop.

Ynys Mon is on now - those bilingual election announcements in Wales are annoying; I’m experiencing the same confusion with them as I did when watching Eurovision as a child, before I learned any French.

Best news of the night so far - Milburn doesn’t want to serve in the Cabinet - presumably to spend more time with his directorships of private health providers family.

Latest rumours - Battersea (14% Lab. majority) is going to a recount, Galloway is cruising to victory in Bethnal Green. Blaenau Gwent is definitely lost to the independent candidate there with a rumoured majority of 12,000; Labour did have a majority of 19,000.

Gordon Brown safely returned as Kirkcaldy MP, despite doctorvee’s prediction, with only a very small swing (0.4%) away from Labour. Markets now say Labour majority of 48 to 50. Yikes.

I am about to get my first mug of coffee of the evening.

Yet more safe seats (Vauxhall and Rotherham) Labour keep but there’s a swing to the Lib Dems of 6% or more. But by my reckoning there aren’t too many marginal Labour/Lib Dem seats, far fewer than Labour/Conservative seats.

Hello to Hugh’s party in Putney, btw, I hear you’re going to get a Tory MP by the looks of things, ha ha ha…

Update: Putney goes! Not good at all for Labour… The MySociety IRC channel is discussing the swing of the vote, while the Nightstar channel are talking about how shaggable the Tory candidate is. For the record, it’s a scarily bad omen for Labour, and I definitely wouldn’t.

Update (0044): Newcastle Central suffers a big swing to the LDs but still stays in Labour hands, but it looks like Labour’s getting a pounding from both sides. Spread bet firms now say a Labour majority in the upper 50s.